Learn Like a Kid

This past Sunday was my second Father’s Day. I’ve played a lot of roles in life—being a dad is the best one!

I woke up to a poster that my wife had created for me along with an arrangement of gifts. Two identical gifts stood out and made me smile ear to ear: water guns with the following inscriptions…

• Dad’s

• Ezekiel’s

We had our own matching toys—Julie, my wife, is pretty darn cool.

All morning I would periodically sneak up on Ezekiel and squirt him on the chest. Ah, the giggle of a child is magical—and it kept me coming back for more.

Like most things new, each time Ezekiel wanted what I had in my hands so that he could make the same thing happen. And, each time, he couldn’t get the same outcome and would look inquisitively at Julie and me:

Try. Fail. Repeat.

On Sunday Julie asked me what I love most about being a dad.

“I love watching the development process—watching our son learn and become his own within this world.”

And he goes through this process simply by trying.

And failing.

And then by repeating those steps over and over and over.

There’s no judgment. He simply does.

I first noticed this with walking. A few steps and then he’d topple over. Then, he’d try again. And, as before, he’d plop onto the ground.

The thousands of times that this happened in the early stages is something that just naturally happens—and we expect it as parents.

Over six months later, he still stumbles here and there. But, the fun thing to watch is that the stumbling now happens with more advanced skills—running, pushing something, navigating corners, chasing after us, or trying to get away from us.

Ezekiel, like any child, is pushing the boundaries of this capability and, in doing so, embraces the fact that the only way to learn and get better is by trying…

…failing…

…and repeating.

With no judgment.

Enough with the Emotional Torture

Whether you’re learning a new skill or trying to stretch the boundaries of what you already do, it’s important to assume a beginner’s mentality.

You shouldn’t be good right away.

You will fail.

You will fall on your face.

You won’t get it perfect.

And failure is exactly what you want—failure is crucial to the learning, development, and advancement process.

By opening the door to failure—actually expecting it—you can rid yourself of the emotional torture:

“…learning from mistakes is something babies and toddlers don’t mind at all. Watch a baby struggle to sit up, or a toddler learn to walk: you’ll see one error after another, failure after failure, a lot of challenge exceeding skill, a lot of concentration, a lot of feedback, a lot of learning. Emotionally? Well, they’re too young to ask, but very young children don’t seem tortured while they’re trying to do things they can’t yet do…[s]hame doesn’t help you fix anything.”

Get rid of the emotional component and in no time—with that new skill you’re working on or the boundary you’re trying to stretch of what you can already do—you’ll not only be walking, but you’ll begin trying to run.

As for the water guns, Ezekiel is working on it.

I’ll squirt him and then he’ll want to try.

He’ll pick his up, look around inquisitively, and press different parts with his little index finger.

Try.

Fail.

Julie will talk him through what he needs to do.

I’ll show him how to hold it.

He’ll turn his hands and squeak as if to say, “I don’t get it.”

Repeat.

But then he looks back down and keeps fiddling with it.

Try.

Fail.

With a new skill, it’s simply a repetition process.

No different than walking, Ezekiel with stumble through the development process and eventually he will get it.

And you will, too, if you simply give yourself the permission to:

Try.

Fail.

And then repeat it with no judgment.

Learn like a kid.